Editorsblog

WHEN you ladies see "XO" most of you think "Hugs & Kisses. Most men think sports. For those women who have never played sports, "X" and "O" is what a coach draws on the blackboard to give strategies, in order to create a game plan that will lead to victory. I want to give you strategies so you can create a game plan that will lead to victory, which in this case, is landing a man.

In order to do so, you need to learn how we men process things, how we talk and how we speak, how our “simple” minds work. As I mentioned, I will be using "sport talk" analogies so you get comfortable with how we think. This will help you land a man because if you speak to a man in his own language, he'll not only understand you better, he'll be thrilled that you understand him. (If you speak a foreign language, think how excited you get if you meet someone who speaks that same language. Or in a foreign country how great it is that someone speaks English.) In sports, this is called a "Triple/Double." [1]

When I say men's minds are "simple," I am not calling a man stupid. We are not. I am, however, saying a man's wants and needs are much simpler than most women understand.

Any sport, in its purest sense, is a great metaphor for life. You have a goal you want to reach. In order to attain that goal, you must use your individual skills and talents to the best of your ability. Talent is given to you by whatever higher power you believe in. They become skills only when you work to make them better.

In order to attain your goal, you must also be honest about your strengths and your weaknesses, as well as, your opponents’ strengths and weaknesses.

You must study your "opposition." In this case, the man you want to land is both your opposition and your goal.

If you have the opportunity to study from the best and toughest, this is where I come in, you will beat all others that come your way, including, with practice, the toughest. Then once you have this information, you have the tools you need to create a winning game plan.

NOTE: When I say a "game," I'm talking about using a game plan with integrity and honesty. I am not talking about playing surface games and using a bunch of "The Rules." Those kinds of games don't lead to happy, healthy and long lasting relationships. That's because those parlor tricks will never truly get into a man's bloodstream...which leads to his heart-- the place you want to be.

We men love a point system. It simplifies things for us. We don't have to think so hard. A man can grunt, "21 beats 16." (Golf, which was invented to confuse and frustrate, is the opposite). From the time we were kids both women and men used points in sports. For us guys, even in the amount of women we scored with.

ALL women get rated the very moment a man makes contact with her. That’s usually the first time he lays his eyes on her. In some cases it’s over the phone, email, text message or IM. (Just like, I'm guessing because I'm not a woman, you rate us the moment you come in contact with us). We see or hear from a woman and think, "On a scale from one to ten, she's a NUMBER HERE." From that moment forward, you either score more points or lose them.

From that moment on, you both try to discover if you have CHEMISTRY-- a foundation upon which to build a relationship.

Obviously, if "chemistry" doesn't exist FOR BOTH OF YOU, there is no foundation upon which to build. If you're feeling it but he isn't, no amount of points will land you a man, no amount of things you do in this book or any other book will win him over.

Now, don't get me wrong, there are times when two people meet and the chemistry for one or both isn't there. Then suddenly, one or both are feeling it. Why does this happen? Why after all this time does someone look at someone else in a different light? Yep, you got it. THEY SCORED POINTS.

Once in a relationship, we all keep a scoreboard in our heads. It's just not as black and white as it is in sports. He thinks, "She complimented me in front of my friends, I'm going to bring her flowers next time I see her." You think, he took out the garbage and washed the dishes, I'll do the laundry and go to the post office." Points add up, even small ones that might not seem like much. A ripple in a lake can create oceans of possibilities.

Conversely, you can also lose points. "She complained when I wanted to hang with my buddies, why should I go with her antique shopping?" Lose too many points and the man you want to land will disengage.

I'm going to teach you how to score many points so when he tallies up in his head, or on a yellow legal pad as many of us do, you have a winning score in the "PRO" column.

Scoring these points is in your control. The reason you want as many points as possible on the "Pro" side of the column is simple: Even a few points in the "Con" side can get him thinking and over thinking and sink you. Why? Because subconsciously, a man is looking for reasons not to marry you. Let me repeat this:

All of us men have a belief system that has been pounded into us, by no one in particular. What am I talking about? I'm talking about how people, both men and women, talk about marriage. He's a good "Catch." Best way to get a man is to "Trap him." If a guy gets married, he's "Biting the bullet." Or "Taking the plunge." Or worse, "Tying the knot." You know, like the executioner does after he puts the noose around your neck.

Here's my absolute favorite worse statement we men hear all the time. "Bachelor party = Last night of freedom."

You want that man to associate marriage and you with words and phrases like "Love," "Amazing," "Best ever," “The one for me," "I won't find any better woman out there, ever." “She makes my life better.” “She makes me whole.” You want us to feel like we've never been as happy and as free as we are with you in our lives because now we have a partner-- a teammate we can build a life with-- infinitely more satisfying then spending a life "Chasing tail."

"Chasing tail." Yet another term men use. "Chasing" vs. "Being caught." Which term rings of freedom? See my point?

Put in plain and simple guy grunt, no man gets married because he's tired of being with random women and never having anyone to answer to. They do it because they feel they have someone in their life that touches them deeply, makes them better and makes life better for them. Period. Inside, they know that age will eventually turn those random women into forgotten memories and having no one to answer to eventually turns into being the old dude in the nursing home who gets excited about the nurse that comes in twice a day to change his diapers just so he has someone to talk to. Knowing this subconsciously means that subconsciously he wants to avoid that-- and the only way to do so is to get married.

The competition is FIERCE, more so for women than for men. There are lots of amazing women for men to choose from. I’m sorry to say it's harder for you ladies to find a man who isn't in "The idiot pool." With the advent of the boat, train, automobile, plane and Internet, there are billions of women a man can meet and choose from. You want to be that choice, so it helps tremendously to have an edge going into the game. By having that edge you score points. By scoring points you narrow the playing field until it's down to one...

WOE

WOMEN GET CATTY—FOR A REASON

- Voltaire (French born author and philosopher who probably didn’t have many friends)

WOMEN get catty. (Don't crucify me until I'm done. Then you might want to crucify me, but at least I got to say my peace, before you tear me to pieces and I rest in peace). Women trust each other-- less than you trust us men.

A woman will take a good man away from another woman, even if it's her friend's man. WOE. Many women in power won't promote other women. WOE. History states that Shakespeare was the first to say; "All is fair in love and war." I think it was Mrs. Shakespeare.

Penny and I had been going out only about a month. We ran into Anna, a woman who I recently worked with on a movie. Anna was flirty with me and acted like Penny didn't exist. The conversation lasted maybe thirty seconds. Penny got jealous and angry—with me. "She was flirting with you and you didn't do anything!" "Uh, I introduced you, took your hand and ended the conversation quickly." "You introduced me as Penny. Not your girlfriend." I didn't know we had official titles, but I said, "I'm sorry." I went on to say that if I wanted to date Anna I would have asked her out. "How do I know you didn't?" I think I just starred blankly for a minute. I was around friends and business associates and I was upset because I was embarrassed. After that night, I decided to exchange Penny for better currency. A few weeks later I got a call from Anna, who got my number from I don't know who, saying she heard I broke up with "that girl from the party" and wanted to know what I was up too. Penny never thought to think that maybe Anna acted the way she did to push Penny's buttons. "WOE."

A great sports example of WOE is chess. In chess, you have to sacrifice men in order to get the king. Hmmmm... You sacrifice in order to get the king. His main protector is his QUEEN.

Interesting, don't you think? The King can only move one step at a time. He's kinda' simple. The Queen can move anywhere and anyway she wants. She can run circles around her King and all other competitors. The only one she can’t run circles around-- the other Queen. She's her most dangerous competition. She's the one she has to worry about the most. By the way, when the Queen is sacrificed for the king, she gives up her life. All things considered, the "sacrifices" I'm going to suggest you make in Part II, aren't so bad after all!

A lot of WOE has to do with that internal clock of yours. Your clock starts ticking at a very early age. When you hit puberty nature calls "Find a man to procreate." You hit your twenties and nature calls even louder; "Find a man to procreate!!!" You hit your thirties and nature is deafening. "FIND A MAN TO PROCREATE!!!!!!!" This is when many women start reacting instead of acting and planning. In many cases, logic gets tossed aside and you ladies panic and make bad choices for all the wrong reasons.

Ladies, try to remember, it's a ticking clock, not a ticking bomb. You don't need to panic. You have to remember that, as you get older, there are gifts you possess that someone younger doesn't. Wear these gifts proudly and you'll find a man who can't wait to open up his presents!

WOMEN WEAKEN KNEES

IN sports, many games are won in the locker room. One side has mentally beaten their opponent before the game has even started. In the book "The Art Of War" by Sun Tzu,[2] Sun says the greatest warriors never have to draw their swords. The greatest warriors gain control without the opposition ever putting up a fight. The greatest warriors can turn their opponents into their allies.

The way to do this with a man is to “attack” and “weaken” a belief system that has been pounded into us men-- without the man you’re “attacking” even realizing this is being done.

The belief system that has been pounded into us is as follows: "Bite the bullet." "Bachelor party = Last night of freedom." Etc. You want to change your man's belief system by using his survival instincts to your advantage. By letting him see that by NOT taking a risk, he will ultimately fail in the game of life... and he will never, ever win the Superbowl.

Many experts believe if you do anything consistently for 21 days, you can form a habit or break one. This habit is not about you doing stuff for him. This habit is about him wanting to be near you, around you-- and with you. You want to become a habit for the man you want to land.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. And again. YOU WANT TO BECOME A HABIT FOR THE MAN YOU WANT TO LAND.

If you do become a habit, when he's not with you, he'll be "Jonesing." He will miss you so much he won’t be able to imagine not being with you. You’ll have become a hard habit for him to break. You’ll have become a habit he does not want to break.

THE PROMISE LAND

WHENEVER I give advice to my sisters, or female friends on the subject of relationships, my number one goal, bar none, is to protect their hearts. Thus, the reason I am about to write, what I'm about to write.

Sex is our strongest instinct. Procreation = survival. Thus, the reason we all want to have sex and the reason that it's so enjoyable. Well, if done correctly and for more than 30 seconds. If sex felt like sticking pins all over your body, the human race would have died out, oh, about 15 days after its birth.With men, when it comes to sex and a woman we want, we are relentless. W become Smeagle turning into Gollum from Lord Of The Rings. We must have the precious! In order to get to the Promise Land, many guys will say what they think you want to hear and/or be what they think you want them to be. They will put on a show that would make the greatest Los Vegas act envious. Remember, they are auditioning.

Once many guys get "the precious,” things can change. For a multitude of reasons:

1. Biologically, we've planted our seed to procreate (survive), time to move on and plant more seeds!

2. We men love to conquer and we conquered that particular "territory," so once again it's time to move on. In this case, to climb a new "Everest."

3. Some men are looking for that perfect sex partner. Even though perfection does not exist, he will still try and find it. These are men usually in the Ungettable column.

Number 1, 2 and 3 can happen because the guy had no real time to know you as a person and still regarded you as an object. This next reason, number 4 is the one I want to focus on.

4. Emotions are all confused, and we realize what we thought was love, was just lust, so we move on.

Yes, surprising, sex can actually affect men in an emotional way too. However, sex can also mean absolutely nothing emotionally.

NOTE: Not only do the six guys reading this book hate me right now, as well as many of you ladies, but every single person who knows me is thinking; "Did JD just say wait? Was he drugged when he said this?" With all due respect to my friends, I was not drugged. Yes, I love sex, but I know it can really confuse the situation and lead to you getting hurt much more so then if sex had not entered the equation. Would I say to a woman I was on a date with, "I really want to have sex with you but I want to wait until we get to know each other? No. I don't know many guys who would. And the guys who do say it are usually using it as a ploy to get the woman into bed. Thus, the reason I tell you this here and now, because chances are when I'm sitting across from you and the evening has gone well, I'm not going to suggest we wait. Mini Me would have me committed. I tell you now because there's nothing better than asking a wolf how to guard the sheep, for he knows how the wolf thinks and what the wolf is going to try and do. That being said, if I do end up dating one of you after you've read this book, please ignore this entire chapter. J

See, that was Mini Me talking and he does a lot of talking and thinking for us men when it comes to sex! He wants to boldly jump in right away, without any long-term regards for your feelings or the feelings of the man who owns him.

I'm NOT telling you to wait because if you have sex with a man too fast he won't respect you. This kind of man is called "Asshole Face." Yes, I know there is a double standard when it comes to sex, but if I'm not mistaken, Mr. Asshole Face didn't wait either, so who is he to judge? In my opinion, this kind of man has a steamer trunk full of issues and why bother with him at all because those issues will eventually surface. I am telling you to wait because I want you to protect your heart.

Carl Jung said, "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed." If there is any reaction... because that's not always the case. And if there is a reaction, is it a real one or one that has now been manufactured by hopeful thinking?

The longer you wait, the better chance that feeling of true love is not manufactured. You have a better understanding of him and whether or not you believe he and you will both be "transformed."

In sports, the best offense is a great defense. Offense sells tickets, defense wins the game. In your case, your offense is you; you sold the ticket and got him to the game. Now you use your defense to protect your heart, so if it doesn't work out, you haven't lost the game. You've won because you're able to move on to the next game with fewer injuries.

I am, however, strongly suggesting that you don't jump into bed and have intercourse with a guy after the first date, or the second, or the third, or the forth, or even the fifth. (Mini Me is incredibly upset with me right now). Give the relationship time to develop. That way, you'll get to know the man without the many confusing emotional attachments that come with sex. Intercourse runs deeper then any other sex act there is...emotionally. Kissing and intercourse go directly to the heart. When two people are kissing, they are truly one. When a man's inside a woman, they are totally one. There is a reason why that act and that act alone is called "Making love."

I'm not saying you need to wait on everything. As far as other sexual activities go, that all depends on how much they mean to you emotionally. A Grunter can slide into second and third base without it affecting the heart the same way intercourse does. (Isn't it interesting how, once again, a sports term is used when we men grunt about sex). Same is true for oral sex, which for some reason has no "base" designated to it and is perhaps the reason why many people, including a former president, do not consider a blowjob a sexual act. Of course it is. But for us guys, it would help to have a base designated to it so we would know for sure.

We've all become numb about having sex, but our hearts haven't so sex confuses all of us. It's so easy to get, it's become like Starbucks. Very easy to get...there's one on every corner.

Imagine if there were only one Starbucks in the world and it was difficult to get to and the first time you went there they didn't serve you. They made you wait. Imagine how special that coffee would taste and how much you'd learn about that coffee while you waited. You might decide you don't want that particular type of coffee anymore and move on without doing nearly as much damage to your heart if you had had that coffee.

Same holds true for relationships. Imagine how strong and sustaining a relationship you could have, if before sex came into the mix, you got to know one another.

Many studies have shown that love and being in love are fueled by chemicals and chemistry within our brains and that sex increases those chemicals. Ever hear someone say, "Yeah, I really liked him/her. They were great looking, fun, funny, smart, kind...but there just wasn't any chemistry between us?" Here's why:

When two people are attracted to each other, a virtual explosion of adrenaline-like neurochemicals gush forth. Fireworks explode and they see stars. Phenylethylamine (PEA) is a chemical that speeds up the flow of information between nerve cells. Also involved are dopamine and norepinephrine, chemical cousins of amphetamines. Dopamine makes us feel good and norepinephrine stimulates the production of adrenaline. It makes our heart race, our hands sweat and our blood flow. These things happen inside of us chemically; it's naturally produced in our bodies so we survive. When fireworks explode and we see stars, we want to mate. Thus, the reason sex can confuse the issue. Acting upon these chemical stimulants can make us feel or think we are in love when in fact we are only in heat.

The good news is that when the infatuation subsides, a new group of chemicals takes over. This new type of chemical is created by endorphins. These morphine-like opiates calm and reassure us with intimacy, dependability, warmth, and shared experiences. Not as exciting or as stressful as PEA, but steadier and more addictive, leading to a more real, healthier and longer lasting relationship and even a longer life.

Studies show that chocolate can give you the same kind of high and satisfaction as sex. Thus, further proving my point that, when it comes to relationships and learning how to land a man, practical experience is much better and far more superior then scientific studies.

Yea, sure, chocolate can give you a temporary high and make you feel better when you're depressed. That's because it's full of phenylethylamine, a chemical that is the cousin of amphetamine. But I have never, ever heard anyone say, "I was horny as hell and really wanted to get some action, but thank God for that chocolate bar because I now realize I can get that feeling whenever I want for $.75 cents! Yeeesssss!!!" Unless 'ol Willy and his Wonker pop out of the chocolate bar, it's not going to do the trick.

You might be thinking, "Okay, Mr. Knuckledragger, maybe I'll wait, but I've been fantasizing about this guy and my sex drive is just as strong as any man's. Maybe even stronger. What do you expect me to do?" Why not enjoy the foreplay for the time being. Then when you finally let him in, you will-- wait! What am I talking about? You're dating a man. His idea of foreplay is the drive over. Okay, here's what you do. You ladies know there are plenty of products on the market that can stimulate you and satisfy some of your sexual needs-- better than a lot of men. Buy one. Use it. True, you can't cuddle with The Rabbit, thank the Universe because then survival of the human race would be in jeopardy, but it sure can get you off. So I've been told. Many times. By many different women. Hey, are they trying to tell me something?

A by-product of waiting is: he might actually learn some foreplay because it's all he's getting. If you ever decide to let him get to heaven, he's been trained. He's formed a habit. He might actually take some time to get there and not just rush past "Go." Triple/Double/Quadruple!

If the guy you're dating is not willing to stick around because he's not getting any, you should really ask yourself, "Self, is this a man I really want to land?" “Why can’t he wait?” “What does he really want from me?”

You won't see things through those "He's great in bed rose-colored glasses" because you didn't let him in. Literally. You'll have a clearer view.

Let’s say your view is you like him and care about him, but realize he really isn't the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. It will be so much easier for you to end it because as much as you care about him- you'd care a trillion times more if you had slept with him—even though he's the same guy who you've come to realize you don't want to land.

Let's say you've dated him for a while and you really think he's the one, but he ends up walking away from you. Yes, it's going to hurt, but again, not nearly as much as if you slept with him.

That's how powerful sex is! It makes you feel things that aren't necessarily real.

My friend Sally recently asked my advice about dating. She's in her early forties, been divorced for two years, and has a six-year old. During the conversation she mentioned a guy who she had dated and really cared about. Let’s call him Ed. She talked about another guy she dated, I don't remember for sure, but I think she said his name was Loser. Mr. Loser had problems because Sally has a kid and for some reason this pushed a button in him. Sally said he worked all the time, never really had time for her, and named several other flaws in his personality. Yet, it really hurt when he broke it off with her. She misses him and thinks about calling him often. Ed, who was a great guy, fun to be with, liked her kid, and seemed to have no red flag flaws, broke it off with her, and she doesn't miss him. She said it hurt at first, but not for long. "Sometimes it just doesn't work out," was what she said to me about Ed. Then she pined about Mr. Loser and wanted to know if she should call him and try to go back with him. Guess what? Yep, you got it. She never slept with Ed, but she had slept with Mr. Loser.

Do what you can to hold your heart-- I mean Coochie, in check. That way you can see if this guy really wants to be with you and more importantly, if you really want to be with him. Remember what they used to say about giving away the milk. Milk might have an expiration date-- sex does not.

POINT VALUE: Infinite amount of points for yourself if it doesn't work out and you've waited. When it ends, it won't hurt nearly as much. Infinite amount of points if it does work out because you've waited and got to know each other and realize that there is much you have outside the bedroom.

FOR THE SIX MEN READING THIS BOOK: Sorry. By the way, your woman wants it as bad as you do. She's not doing it to punish you, she's doing it to get to know you and you have to respect that. Sure, it will be frustrating, but that's why you have long enough arms to scratch that itch.

MITTENS

PUT YOUR PET “AWAY”

WHEN WANTING TO GET INTIMATE

LADIES, if you have a cat or dog it's very disconcerting to be making intimate moves on you and most certainly making love with you, to look over and see Mittens watching. We feel like we're being judged. We feel like your cat or dog is going to talk about our performance to other cats or dogs. Mainly, we're worried that Mittens is going to freak-out and think our nuts are a scratch toy.

If you want your man to spend the night often, let Mittens spend the night in another room. Sure, Mittens might get a little ticked off, but you two can bond again in the morning and assure yourself many more evenings with the man you also want to bond with.

POINT VALUE: -2 if you must snuggle wuggle, smoogle woogle, kissy wissy Mittens a million times before you tell him he can't stay in the bedroom-- and then change your mind.

FOR THE SIX MEN READING THIS BOOK: Most of us men know to put Sparky into another room when it comes time to get down to business. Sparky might be our best friend, but he has no idea how to run a video camera, so who needs him. If she doesn't realize that this is Man Protocol, ask her if it's okay that Mittens spend the night in the living room. If she says, "No, Mittens always likes to sleep on my head," you might consider finding another woman who wants to land you.

[1] "Triple/Double:" When a player scores double digit points, double digit rebounds and double digit assists, it's a Triple/Double. When I use it in this book, I'm saying that you get more than one benefit from doing something.

[2]Considered one of the best books on military strategies. Although it is about ‘war” and it was written around 500BC, it is used today by many people in business to help them understand ways to get what they want. (Michael Ovitz was an avid believer in the book. He built an empire known as CAA using its techniques. Sun's philosophy can also be used to help you land a man. Not an easy read, but after a few tries, it starts to sink in. Well, for me it was a few tries. You're a woman, you'll probably get it right off the bat.

My Book: "How To Make Him Your Man-Bitch"